Today, my attention is turned to the third part of this trilogy,the one I call(ed) FRIENDSHIP. Many times and on many occasions we have been asked and we have also asked ourselves this question, Who is my friend? Or who is a friend? Or who is your friend? In writing, I try not to make definition an issue. However, as I write, I know that individuals will see the picture as I describe or analyze whatever subject I write on. In describing also, I try not to take the individual to the world of forms as pragmatism clearly defines and describes my style. As people read, they don't necessarily need the platonic contemplative style rather, helping them to see what works in practice will help. The topic on friendship, however deep it may be will be approached from this angle as it is no rocket science.
important? Because friendship is deeper and is the highest level one can get to in relationship with the other. This is why I laugh most times when people introduce some one to me as a friend, in my mind I usually ask, are you sure?
A friend is not some one you become uncomfortable with once they come around you. Rather, a friend is some one you get excited seeing. The thought of them will liven your spirit. The thought of them will keep you healthy. The thought of them will kill any depression in you. The thought of a friend helps you to share your joy and your pain. A friend will be there for you. A friend will help you. A friend will add value to your life. A friend will be interested in your welfare, growth, upkeep,progress and every good thing about you. A friend can not use your secret against you. A friend cannot laugh at you behind your back. A friend can not say behind you that which he cannot say before you. A friend is more profitable to you than even a brother some times. In most cases, when you call a brother and a friend at a particular time for help, while it may take a brother five hours to get there, a friend can show up in five minutes. Simply put, a friend is like a life wire that keeps you going. I can not describe a friend enough. One point to actually establish is simple, no one knows you better than a friend since its only a true friend ( I hate to use that because there is nothing like a true friend or bad friend because you are either a friend or you are not) who is there in your hour of joy and in your hour of pain
.Look at the above and tell me if you as an individual, in your relationship or marriage, has taken your partner to the above level. In your marriage or relationship, is your partner your friend? I know You are married, who is your best friend? Your partner? Or an external person? As a married person or some one in that relationship that is almost leading to marriage I ask, who is your best friend? Who knows your most intimate secrets? Who can you trust with your most intimate secrets? Can you trust the one you are married to with it? Or the one you are about to get married to? Can you naked your life before your partner and not be ashamed? Are you happy when you are on your way home to your partner? Does your partner make you happy? When you think of your partner or wife, are you excited? Do you feel alive inside you? Who is that person who has the key to your most inner place? Who should have this key if you are married or in a relationship?
Let me establish this and I do so with all boldness. If you are married and in your marriage, if your wife or husband is not your best friend, then that is no marriage. You are only co living together under oath and because of the oath, you are existing together and not living together. There is a huge difference between existing and living. If you are not married, if you cannot trust the person you want to get married to as a best friend, then kindly don't get married to that person. You have not found a partner yet. We live in an age where though many are married, they still live single. Why? They are yet to truly find a friend. The day you begin to live in your marriage is the day you decide to make your wife or husband your best friend.
I have head stories about terrible homes because the man cannot trust the woman and vice versa. A man will prefer to close from work and proceed to the club or beer parlor to drink and womanize than go back home to his wife and children. Why? Because according to him, his wife is boring. However, the friends or associate he hangs out with are not boring. But when they fall sick or have problems, their wives becomes Not boring but alive. What a life! Some even go to the level of speaking evil about their wife in a beer parlor or club ( refer to my article on beer parlor in my archives). When things are well for some people, they don't know their wife. However this same individuals expect the wife to be there when things go bad. Vice versa. This is my question, are you being fair? That is a question you need to answer from the highest level of your conscience.
Dear reader, your wife or husband may not be the best out there, but you can re create their style into some thing you can be proud of just in case, what they are right now does not suit or glorify your exalted expectation . Instead of spending your money to carry women outside, use that money to change the style of your partner. Who says you can not create in your partner a style you can be proud of. If she does not dress well, rather than complain or run away from home to clubs, get her to see a stylist. Encourage her to watch style network. Buy her style magazines. If she does not know how to cook, pay that person in that restaurant you go to eat to please teach your wife how to cook the food you go there to eat. If she is not good in bed, seat together with her and read up articles on the internet. The truth is, she is never that bad because she is the one you married. This is a vice versa situation. Only a true friend can do this for you. Why? Because if you were the ones in his or her shores, I ask, will you want to be treated the way you are treating him or her now? This is the golden rule question we must always ask ourselves. It says, treat others the way you want to be treated.
Your partner must be your best friend. Take your marriage to that point and your life will be different. Your partner should have a say in your finance, health, job, business, and even in those you keep as friends. Marriage is good, but it is not for every body. If you are not ready to make your wife or husband your best friend when you marry, go your separate ways. You know why? Because in the end, it will not be worth the trouble. If you are married already, Look for ways to get to that point where you become each others best friend. Some one will say, my husband is so far from me now that I cannot even talk to him. That is a lie. You have only given up before starting. No real winner of life situations speak that way. You don't give up before you begin a battle. What if you were told that your staying alive is dependent on your ability to get him to listen to you, will you say that? Hear me, and this is the naked truth, Every Man on the surface of the earth has some thing in him with which a wife can make him listen. I always like to say this, before God created eve, He had to make Adam fall into a deep sleep. He took some thing in him to create the woman. The man got up after the woman was created and said, this is the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh. This is my question, was the woman created from that thing God took out of the woman? Remember before you answer that she is human like the man. Created in the image and after the likeness of the same God. Again I ask, was the woman created out of that thing God took out of the man? If you believe so and say yes, then you will believe anything. To say yes is not to understand that part of scripture. Why did God have to make the man fall into a deep sleep before creating the woman? Is it to get some thing out of him to create the woman? May be yes and may be no.
To answer the above, look at the physical make up of the woman and the man, is there any thing the man has that the woman does not have in another way? Vice versa. Look at our body as man and woman, I tell you nothing. This is the truth, God created the man and put in the man a nature. That nature says take charge, control, rule, explore, dominate, subdue and rule the earth. That is not a small nature. Imagine a being with such qualities, that is the person your man is. Those are the qualities he has in him. Do you know what that can make him? It can make him feel like a god. It can make him feel untouchable and unstoppable. It can make him feel uncontrollable. Those qualities will always make him want to conquer territories. Just like they want to conquer every beautiful lady they see. Do you blame them? It was meant to be used in a positive light but some times and for some most times, these qualities are use negatively. That is the man for you and God knew this.
Based on the above knowledge, God decided to take some thing out of the man which He handed over to the woman. He needed to do this to keep the Man under check. That thing is a gift which the woman has but the with all his exalted qualities lacked. That gift is what the woman can use to support the man as a companion. That gift can be used to keep the man under check. However, that gift can also be used negatively against the man. That is why, if a woman wants the man to fall, she can do it. She can do it because she has that which will always make the man return to her. Look at the story of Abraham, he was the friend of God. He head the promise of God directly but yet the woman convinced him to take another wife. Look at the story of samson, he was a powerful man but yet, a woman made him fall. Look at the new testament, Herod was a strong king. As strong as he was, a woman made him kill John the baptist, a prophet of God even when it appeared he dint want to. Bill clinton in history will go down as one of the most powerful president America ever had in terms of policy and performance, see what Monica Lewinsky did to him. Go on the net, look at the book on histories and see what woman were able to accomplish and are still accomplishing. Did they have two heads? They did not go to a native doctor because they did not need one. All they needed was their brain, their mind, their reasoning and may be a bit of their emotions. What is the message here? Woman, you have that which you need to make your man listen to you. All you need is to discover it and use it. Every man can listen to the woman if the woman know is soft or weak spot and just may be the right time to use it. To say you don't know it is to say you have failed to know your man and in fact you really never knew him. So this is your challenge, find out.
Your husband or your wife, must be your best friend. Any thing short of this merely defeats the purpose of your being married. I believe in marriage and I have pledged my life to it. I have told you that your relationship and marriage can work. I have given you three factors in this trilogy. I have told you about;
1. Attraction
2. Love
3. Friendship
I told you attraction is good but not enough and not sufficient. I told you, you must move from attraction to love. I told you that love has words, life and effect. But I have also told you here that the highest level for any relationship or marriage is friendship. We must get to that level where our partner is our best friend. This is a truth I know. This is a truth I have shared with you on this blog. This is a truth you need to forward to all those you know while they in turn do same to their friends. My name is joseph ogundare and I rep God on this subject. I will let you take it from here and with excitement in me I say, take it from here.
This article was first published on www.joedanza.blogspot.com. Visit this blog for many articles I have written on relationship and family. I will like to hear from you, send me email on joesteve007@yahoo.co.uk
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